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Sometimes a tiny little word—N-O—is the most difficult one to say. No matter how hard you try to be strong-willed, you've likely found yourself stumbling over those two letters—or worse, agreeing to do something because you can't spit them out. But there's no need to say yes when you're feeling the exact opposite. We thought up 10 no-worthy scenarios and got relationship and etiquette experts' tips on how to finally put your foot down.
Your mother-in-law wants to drop off her three cats while she's out of town for a long weekend.
Assuming you've taken in her four-legged friends in the past, your goal here is to change her expectations for the future. While blaming an allergy-prone visitor might work this time, she's going to get suspicious if the same friend is in town every time her cats need somewhere to rest their paws. Skip the white lies and be direct. If you can't be the solution, offer to help find one, urges Sylvia Lafair, PhD, author of Don't Bring It to Work. Say no, but offer to reach out to your animal-loving neighbor or your most responsible babysitter. If she establishes a good relationship with someone else, the onus will be off you in the future.
You're being asked to contribute cash for Jill from Accounting's birthday gift, but you've only met her once.
Since this is a situation you'll likely encounter often—especially if you work for a big company—consider your "policy" ahead of time. While you don't want to contribute to every last gift, you should probably throw in a few bucks if it's for someone in your department or your boss. Once you've established your boundaries, be clear and consistent, says Dr. Lafair. Try saying, "Thanks for including me, but I only contribute to gifts for colleagues I work with on a daily basis," suggests life coach Jennifer Degler, PhD, coauthor of No More Christian Nice Girl.
Your brother-in-law wants you and your husband to chip in for a super-expensive anniversary gift for your in-laws.
Saying yes at the expense of your savings account is always a bad idea. If you give people the impression you have an endless well of money, they're going to keep trying to draw from it. You and your husband need to decide what you can contribute to the gift, says Dr. Lafair. Approach your brother-in-law as a team and offer the following: "While that would be an incredible gift, we wouldn't be able to split the cost with you. We can put X amount toward a gift," suggests Dr. Degler. Your brother-in-law can decide whether he wants to cover the balance or shop around for a less expensive gift.
Your best friend suggests a pricey restaurant for her birthday dinner. And you know she expects you to treat.
With your savings account in mind, remind yourself that her suggestion is just that. If you're not comfortable with footing a hefty bill, offer up a different suggestion. Dr. Degler suggests saying, "I like Restaurant A, too, but I was hoping that you'd let me treat you to a birthday dinner, and I can't swing Restaurant A right now. How about Restaurant B or C?"
Your daughter's fourth-grade teacher thinks you're the perfect person to chair the PTA this year.
Recognize that being honest here is going to benefit both parties. If you don't have the time, energy or inclination to give the job your all, then no one's going to be happy with the end results. "We all need to learn the art of telling the truth with grace," urges Dr. Lafair. "It would make the world a kinder place." To let her down easy, try saying, "I am flattered by your recommendation, but I must decline. I have too many commitments at this time, and I couldn't do the job justice," suggests relationship expert Diane Katz, PhD, author of Win at Work!
Your mother doesn't understand why you won't bring her grandkids for a weeklong visit during your summer vacation—even though you've had plans to go away for months.
If you let your mother throw already established plans into a tailspin, you're just going to wind up resenting her, so it's important—for you both—that you stand your ground. The first step is to explain why you're not dropping everything, says Dr. Katz, and that can be as simple as, "We have reservations and we're all looking forward to this trip." From there, offer up alternative plans. "Why not ask your mother to join you?" suggests Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, one of the stars of Bravo's hit series The Real Housewives of New York City and author of Class with the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair. "Or suggest that she visit during the summer and take the children on day trips while you work. The kids will get a mini-vacation and your mother will get their undivided attention."
Your boss wants you to head up this summer's company-wide fundraiser.
"Saying no to your boss can be tricky, but sometimes it's essential if you're already at your limit between work and family obligations," says de Lesseps. Explain that doing your job well is your first priority and, while you're honored to be asked, you'll have to decline this year. Consider joining the fundraising team once another head is chosen, urges Dr. Katz, as volunteer work is factored into many companies' promotion and retention decisions.
Your 30-something kid sister needs $200 to cover next month's rent. She still hasn't paid you back after you helped her out last month.
Banks have lending policies, and so can you. If your sister's treating you like an ATM, maybe your policy should be that you don't lend money to people who owe you money. "If she keeps pushing you, be a broken record," urges Dr. Degler. "Just say, 'I'm sorry. That's my lending policy.'" When you feel like backing down (again), remind yourself that your policy is in the best interest of your relationship. If you keep lending her money that she doesn't repay, your resentment will build and gradually poison your relationship.
Your 17-year-old son is begging to go on the class spring break trip to Mexico.
If your children are prone to relentless begging, chances are you've caved in the past. Nonetheless, it's important to stand your ground if you think the trip isn't in your child's best interest. If you're feeling generous, de Lesseps suggests planning an alternative spring break that includes more adult supervision and is less costly and closer to home. And no matter how guilty he makes you feel, remember, says de Lesseps, "No teen's life has ever been ruined by not going to Mexico on spring break."
Wedding season is in high season, and your social calendar is packed—but you've just been invited to two more parties next weekend.
Having too many party invitations is a good problem—if you don't let yourself get overwhelmed. If you must decline an invitation, don't over explain why you can't attend, says de Lesseps. "Just say that you can't make it and thank the hostess for thinking of you." With good friends, be honest, and say you'll drop by if you can.
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Source: https://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/advice/a1679/how-to-say-no-to-anything-105889/
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